1. Assume the Best of People
Sometimes I have bad days. Which means I still get your drink to you as fast as ever but I might not be feeling chatty, or might forget that I'm supposed to thank you for letting me serve you. It might not have occurred to you but today might've been the day my childhood pet died, my boyfriend broke up with me, or my best friend cut me out of their life. Shit happens to you. Shit happens to me. Unless I go out of my way to be mean, it's probably nothing personal against you,.
2. Don't Blame Me, Blame the Man
I am the person who delivers the product to you. I'm sure you are just trying to make conversation, but it sounds a lot like you're trying to get me to lower a price that I don't set and can't alter. I have rules I have to follow. I can only make one pot of coffee at a time, if it runs out in the middle of your cup, it's not cause I'm trying to fuck you over, it's cause that's the way I'm supposed to do it. You can either accept that or take your anger out on me. I'd really rather the former over the later.
3. When Tipping is Appropriate, Tip At Least 15%
The service was shitty. Then again, there was an unexpected rush at 2 am and your waitress was dealing with 7 or 8 tables instead of the usual 3 or 4. You're thinking about skimping on the tip. I mean, she only took your order, fixed the order when the bus boy brought you the wrong food, and refilled your drink once. 5% or 10% is totally cool, right? Nope. Waiters and waitresses make around $4 an hour because they get to accept your tips. And like I said before, shit happens. And sometimes they might fuck up your order. You should remember rule #1 when you consider under-tipping. Did the waiter/ress go out of their way to be a jackass? Were they actively avoiding you? Then assume the best of them and tip 15%. Cause that job is not fun, it is not easy, and pretending they couldn't be happier to serve you isn't what they want to be doing on a Friday night.
4. Not Sure if You Should Tip? Do It Anyway
Sometimes it's hard to know if tipping is appropriate. The easiest way to tell? Credit card receipts will have a space to write in a tip. However, there are some places tips are not put on receipts. For example, if you are a regular at a coffee shop, tips will go a long way in getting your coffee ready ASAP, exactly how you like it. Generally if someone is providing a personal service, tipping is expected and should be at least $2. When you aren't sure, offer the tip. If they aren't allowed or generally don't get tips, 90% of the time they'll say as much. Also: We remember when you don't tip.
5. Remember Fight Club
It never occurred to me that waiters could fuck with my food until I read Fight Club, wherein a waiter sticks his dick in someone's soup. I'm making your popcorn, your soda, your latte. Who knows if I buttered in the middle or gave you caffeine free, or made it extra hot? Not you until long after you can complain. People in the service industries quickly become bitter and if you're a jackass to us, we'll be more than willing to fuck up whatever service we're supposed to be giving to you.
In conclusion, remember that everyone is a person just like you who just wants to make a living even if it's not as noble or well paying of a pursuit as your own career.
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