Thursday, May 27, 2010

How To: Look Like a Douchebag, Starbucks Edition

After 2 months, I've decided there are three reasons people go to Starbucks:
  1. They like our coffee/beverages/food
  2. They like wifi and couches but hate the imposed quiet of libraries
  3. They like to feel cool
Those are all fine reasons, but a lot of times that third one gets annoying to baristas. So if you feel like looking like a douchebag, order this:
  • Upside Down Caramel Macchiato: This is a vanilla latte with caramel drizzle. If you want to look like an idiot who doesn't know what they're ordering, this is your drink
  • No Foam Caramel Macchiato: THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE
  • No Espresso Mocha: If you order this, I'll ring you up for a Mocha not a Hot Chocolate. It's only a 15 cent difference but it makes me feel better about you being a dumbass
  • Double Shot: Here's the problem with the double shot, it's not on the menu and it's not in the recipe cards. And this goes for anything not on the menu, you shouldn't expect me to just know how to make it. If you wanna tell me how to make the drink, I'll do it. I'll even pretend to be happy about it if you're polite. But if you don't know how to make it then I can't really help you.
  • Venti Iced Triple Latte: An iced venti comes with three shots. How many extra would you like me to ring up?
  • Skinny Americano: What is this? I don't even...
  • Lite Non-Fat Sugar-Free Frappuccino: A lite Frappuccino is all of those things by default.
  • Ordering something then changing your order while I'm making it: Seriously guys. No matter what you do, I'll smile and act like it's no big deal but if you ask for your drink iced as I'm slipping the sleeve on your extra hot Skinny Vanilla Latte, I'm gonna be pissed. I just spent 2-3 minutes of my life making your $5 coffee so that you can simper about it not being what you wanted. I'm sorry that you thought a Dark Cherry Mocha didn't have espresso in it, but it would've taken about 15 seconds to ask me and find out that it does.
Um, so now that I've bitched about people who don't know what they're ordering I have something else to say: I love when people ask me questions. I spent a week and a half learning about every single drink on the menu. If you wanna know what goes into a drink, what "skinny" means, or want a suggestion, I'd love to help. When I get to help people have a happier day, it brightens my life too. So don't order blindly, "ask and ye shall receive".

1 comment:

  1. I bet it's not that easy dealing with customers. Though, what really annoys me about Starbuck's staff, most ppl behave like you are one little shitty customer, I specially hate to be asked for my name everytime I f..... want coffee.
    And one more, for coffee worth 5$ and more I don't want to argue with: What's your name? How? Who?